Mere Creativity: And Also Some Circus Skills

Did you know I am an author? My published book is called “Mere Creativity: And also some circus skills.” 

You can get a copy on Amazon and on Amazon Kindle, or even read for free on Kindle Library. 

You can purchase the book here. 

If you go to that site and click on the cover of my book, the first few pages of the book will show up & you can read those, free!

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I have a new book coming out, and I am planning to write a lot more books on many different topics. Sign up to learn about my newest books, when they come out! I promise not to pester you every single day. 

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Vision Therapy

Three years ago, I went to my first Vision Therapy appointment with “Dr. Magic” AKA Tod Davis of Virginia Vision Therapy. 

Well, actually, he is the Optometrist, and several of the people working for him are the vision therapists. I worked with A. She is fantastic. I miss her.

She was so kind and patient with me. I was going through some of the worst, hardest things in my life at that point. I often showed up, crying and crying and feeling unsafe. 

She would sit me down in a chair and help me ground myself under a weighted blanket. And be so gentle, listening to me cry and maybe talk, maybe be unable to talk. And I would gradually realize I was safe with her. I am so grateful for professionals who make a safe place for the people they are working with. 

The weighted blanket draped over my shoulders would help weigh me down so that I couldn’t dissociate. She would also strap 1 lb weights on my ankles, also to weigh me down. 

My memory says she was working on my propreoception - helping me know where I am in space. I wasn’t floating up by the ceiling, I wasn’t existing somewhere in the past. She was helping me realize I was right there - seated in a chair at the Vision Therapy office. 

I am so grateful to Dr. Tod Davis for diagnosing my eyes correctly. I had gone to eye doctors for about 40 years by the time I found him. I had told numerous eye doctors, “my eyes don’t work together.” They just dismissed it. And gave me eye glasses the same way every other eye doctor does. 

Dr. Davis tested me to see if I could see in 3D, and determined that I couldn’t. He also diagnosed me with lack of convergence, double-vision and many other things. He pointed out that reading is difficult for me. I didn’t know that - because I had, for 40 years, done tricks to make reading a bit easier for me - covering up words, closing 1 eye, squinting with my other eye… 

Now I know - I have trouble reading. 

Anyway, 3 years ago is when I started this vision therapy journey and I am so grateful to have come quite a ways with my own vision. 

I spent money sending my son to vision therapy. He wasn’t really ever able to articulate what he did in vision therapy to me. He has trouble articulating day-to-day things. I had hoped to blog more about his journey, but I wasn’t able to learn from him what they worked on very much. 

His journey is now over with them. Being younger, they were able to find a lot more success with molding his brain to learn new ways to use his eyes than they were able to with me. 

I had been hoping, once he was done going, that I would be able to resume going for me. I can’t afford it. 

I have stopped practicing the at-home things like the bead on a string that helps me look at something close to my eyes (like a bead) and work on the muscle that crosses our eyes. It’s a great eye muscle exercise. 

I feel like my ADHD gets in the way of me doing *anything* every single day. Story of my life - I am not consistent. Thank you, ADHD. 

I am also grateful to my ADHD, by the way, because it enables me to have moments when I can hyper-focus and do things like write a whole book in a relatively short period of time. 

Speaking of which, I am writing a whole new book. It’s on a topic that a lot of people may not feel comfortable reading, but if they actually sit down and read my book, they will walk away realizing it’s not actually the uncomfortable topic they have been taught it was, their whole life. 

Thank you for reading my blog. 

By the way, I have never asked my blog readers to buy stuff from me. I did start this blog hoping I could monetize it at some point. I have done everything I can to monetize this blog, and it won’t. I write and write and get discouraged, and write more later. 

The way you can help me is by Leaving a Comment. 

Seriously. Leaving a Comment on my blog posts would seriously help me towards my goal of monetizing my blog. 

I approached an eyeglasses maker about them paying me if I would write about their eyeglasses and they basically told me “no.” If, however, I had comments on this blog, showing I actually have readers who engage with my blog, that would help me in the future when I approach other companies about paying me to blog. 

Thank you for considering this & leaving a comment. 

Life is Overwhelming at Times

Well, sometimes life throws us big curve balls. 

A cartoon image of Jodi lying down underneath a gasoline gauge.
The gauge reads “E” in the red zone, symbolizing “empty.” 

I have once again been going through big things. 

My son has expressed an interest in learning to drive. So I was all ready to give him a driving lesson in the beginning of July. And I took a mis-step while we were walking to my car, and I ended up with a sprained ankle (and a face-plant full of dirt). 

It is now closing on the end of August, and I am still dealing with this sprained ankle. Who knew these things could take so long to heal? 

In addition to that, I probably did a face-plant into some sort of shrubbery that I was allergic to. Because a few days later, I ended up at the doctor again with something on my arm that had been there a few days at that point. 

The doctor diagnosed me with Shingles. Ack - I only just turned 50! I hadn’t yet had the moment to get a Shingles vaccine. I am only barely 50. And they sent me away with 2 medicines - one to take with water and a meal, and another to apply topically. They told me, “do NOT use any heavy cream, like Vaseline, with the Shingles.” 

Well, it turns out I was allergic to the topical cream. It gave me a chemical burn on my arm. I am such a stranger to medicines, that I didn’t know what I was experiencing was abnormal. I used the cream twice, then just couldn’t do it again. And it burned my arm so badly, my skin all peeled off. It peeled off layers of color of my beautiful tattoo, too. I didn’t want to photograph my arm to show friends, either, because it looked horrifying. 

After a week of this, I finally did send a photo to a close friend of mine. They showed their co-worker who said what I had been thinking - “it looks like a chemical burn.” 

Meanwhile, I had to babysit my arm around the clock. My arm. Babysit my arm. It’s a bizarre thing when someone has to babysit their own body part. It was draining and burning and hurting and the only relief I could find was when I ran it under cold water. This went on for about 2-3 weeks in July and early August.

I finally went back to the doctor and showed them my arm. The nurse who admitted me said, “that doesn’t look at all like what it looked like when you first came in.” That opened my eyes that what I was dealing with had been completely different (and much smaller) than what I was dealing with now. 

The doctor had no idea what it was, but he told me I now had a bacterial infection in addition to “whatever it was,” and he told me to follow up at the emergency room the next day. 

So I went to the emergency room the next day. They confirmed the bacterial infection, confirmed that the new medicine I was put on was a good one to clear up the bacterial infection, and they told me I needed to follow up with a dermatologist (a skin doctor). 

I tried several “local” dermatologists (all “local” ones are an hour away!), and either they couldn’t see me at all, or they could see me as early as January. No joke. 

Thankfully, where I used to live, I have a dermatologist. That’s 2 hours away, but I called her just the same. Her receptionist made a slot for me the next day. Thank goodness!

She also confirmed the bacterial infection, said the medicine I was on for that was fine. And she gave me 2 topical medications to mix with Vaseline (!) to apply to the chemical burn.

My pharmacy closed before I could drive back the 2 hours home, to pick up the new medicines. But I decided to just put the Vaseline on without the other medicine added to it. Hoping that would help. 

Oh wow - did it sure help!! It softened the chemical burn, torn up skin so much, that the next day, when I showered, most of the bad skin just fell off in the shower! It was such a relief to have a lot of that stuff off of my arm. It had been pulling and stretching and tearing at me. It was so painful a

I got the medicine for my arm and mixed it with the Vaseline, and it’s been about 2 weeks now, and my arm is staring to return to its normal color, sans “tan from the sun gained over the years.” It’s like new baby skin forming. 

In addition to all of that, my landlord was raising my rent, so I had to figure out what to do next. I have decided that for the moment, I will have my stuff in storage while I stay with friends and figure out where I will be living now. I am grateful to say I have a few wonderful friends who are going to let me stay with them for now, while I figure things out. It’s been quite the experience to pack my belongings in to boxes and label them, while only being able to use one arm. 

And, I have 2 other very big things going on that I don’t post about on public forums, and those things have their own paperwork and issues cropping up here and there. It’s a LOT to deal with, and I have been overwhelmed beyond what I have ever felt like overwhelm was. 

At some point, does life calm down? I sure hope so. I have books I want to write and paintings I want to paint. And my dogs would love to have fun things to do, too, I am sure. 

Clouds

 Last night, I was walking my dogs, and I saw a gorgeous sunset. 

It went from far off in the distance (orange lit small, closely spaced clouds) to over my head, where it was white puffy clouds, still close together.

I followed the orange clouds from the distance to see them all the way up and over my head. They were so beautiful, I had to stand and enjoy all of them. 

Looking overhead, I saw these clouds:  

The image is a light cyan blue sky with white puffy clouds. 

I stood there, looking overhead at these clouds, and it was amazing - they were in 3D to me. 

I have never seen clouds as “near me.” They have always looked like a postcard image to me - 2 dimensional. 

These clouds? They looked about twice as far away as the telephone pole’s top that I was standing next to.

I wished I had a person right there, next to me, who could have validated that the clouds were close and that I was in fact, seeing them in 3D. No one was around me, and I didn’t want to look away and figure out how to find someone (a stranger) to look up and validate my weird eye issues. It would have been super weird to have to explain all my eye issues or even some of them, to get them to then validate what I was looking at. 

Anyway, It was an amazing sight for me. And I stood there, hoping my brain was making new connections : we can see clouds and perceive how far away they are!

This sighting and 3D view for me helped me understand something about my vision: it’s possible I can see 3D when something is very large. I saw the tree in 3D when driving (see a previous post about this), when it was in front of a mountain. And now I saw the clouds in 3D - it was like they were coming towards me, away from the blue of the sky behind them - like things come towards me in a 3D movie with those special glasses on. (That’s the only way I had ever seen 3D before - when I was wearing special glasses that make things forcibly pop towards you. 

Now I am wondering if I should go to more 3D movies. I am thinking I should! I feel like I remember seeing Nemo and Dory in 3D, maybe it was at a ride at either Walt Disney World or Disneyland. That’s probably where I saw 3D Nemo - at a ride at a Disney park. What 3D movies do you think are worth it?

I sometimes wonder if folks who can see in 3D read my posts and close 1 eye to look ahead of them and not see in 3D, and wonder what it’s like not to have something in their life every day, that comes so naturally to them. Let me know. I look forward to your comments. 

Please forgive the odd formatting of this post. I just don’t have the energy to fix it right now. 

Polarity

I have been observing the world for, well, my entire life. And by “world,” I mostly mean: The United States. I have spent the majority of my life here in the USA, though I have spent some minimal time in other countries. 

One of the things I have noticed become more prominent is since the beginning of Facebook. And, even then, only in the last few years in particular. 

I have noticed trolls - you know, those people on Facebook who love to pick arguments no matter what the topic is. At first, it seemed like trolls were just angry, mean people who got their jollies off of saying negative things to hurting people online, on forums, on Facebook. 

I remember seeing an article in The Christian Science Monitor quite a few years ago called, “The United States of Anger.” I went looking for it on their website, www.CSMonitor.com, but I can’t find it. There are over 70,000 “relevant” searches on the topic, but they are all from 2022. The article I am thinking about probably predated Nancy Pelosi’s first stint as a Speaker for the House. Whenever that was. 

The title caught my eye. It rang true for me, internally, and at the time I was the kind of person who prayed about everything. So I prayed about it. Trying to exude peace and love and kindness on the world, to help allay anger, smother the anger so it would turn into kindness towards one another.

I have noticed the United States is in a Civil War. It’s been going on quite a while. I can’t remember if I felt that was true before I saw the article, or after I saw the article. 

I feel like the war in the United States is extremely polar: Democrats vs. Republicans. It’s driving me bonkers, how close-minded folks are. So many people think everything is either Red OR Green. No other shade. (I would say “black vs. white,” but this is too commonly used, so I looked at the color wheel tattoo on my arm and chose 2 other, opposite colors.” 

I read this article this past week - and it scares me: 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/magazine/2022/03/08/they-are-preparing-war-an-expert-civil-wars-discusses-where-political-extremists-are-taking-this-country/ 

I thought we were already in a Civil War. I was wrong. We’re still heading to one. 

I want to close this blog post with a quote from the late, honorable Senator Elijah Cummings, that I found on a USA Today page: 

"I've often said on the floor of the Maryland House of Delegates that our world would be a much better world, and a much better place, if we would only concentrate on the things we have in common, instead of concentrating on our differences," Cummings said. "It's easy to find differences, very easy. We need to take more time to find common ground." 

He paraphrased a Benjamin Mays poem, which he said he told himself as many as 20 times a day.

"I only have a minute, 60 seconds in it," he said. "Forced upon me, I did not choose it, but I know that I must use it, give account if I abuse it, suffer if I lose it. Only a tiny little minute.

"But eternity is in it." 

Dissociation

A portion of an acrylic painting I did. Light turquoise, medium dusty blue, silver interact in an almost ethereal way.

Insurance doesn’t pay for vision therapy. And I couldn’t afford to go to vision therapy while also sending my son to visit on therapy. So, I stopped going to vision therapy when it was time to send my son. He is younger and I felt vision therapy could help him so much more than it’s been able to help my mid-life-self. I was right. it was the right thing to do. 

 Since stopping vision therapy, I am realizing I have started to go backwards. 

My eyes fatigue a lot. They are in pain a lot now. And I am finally admitting this to myself. 

Also, I am starting to dissociate again. Dissociating for me is when I float above my body. My mind is somewhere else entirely. I can be doing things and looking like I am interacting normally with whatever’s in front of me. It could be doing the dishes or driving my car on an extremely familiar route. 

I am just starting to admit this to myself - that I am starting to dissociate again. Time to get out the ankle weights, and do more difficult tasks that require focus, to keep me grounded.