I am a dog walker now. The company I work for has a nice app where you tap "arrive," it tracks your walk via GPS, you can take pix of the dogs you walk and upload them, and then you tap "finish."
I have meant to do a blog post of the concussions I have had over the years. There have been many. I can't remember if I wrote that yet or not. But last week I got another one. It is because of the multiple concussions I have had, that I am now in vision therapy.
Last week, I had just finished walking a dog. I tapped "finish," and I was glancing at a photo of the dog I had just taken, to see if it was cute enough. And I walked straight into this staircase.
I was stunned for a moment. I was angry at myself. And then I realized I might fall over, so I went and leaned on the wall to the right and just stood there, crying.
I eventually drove myself to a local doc-in-the-box. They asked me a bunch of questions. I don't remember them all, but one was, "do you have double vision?" I said, "I always have double vision." She said, "is it worse?"
I looked at her, examined her face and realized: "yes, it's worse."
She sent me to the Emergency Room. I drove to a place that said, "Emergency Room" on the outside but they didn't have a CT-scan machine, so I had to drive to a 3rd location - a different Emergency Room that had a CT-scan machine.
Of all the concussions I have had, this was the smallest one by far. Having said that, it's a week later as I type this, and my head still hurts.
At the third location they gave me a CT-scan. They determined that my brain looked ok and it wasn't bleeding. So that's very good.
Then they told me:
"Don't drive until all the symptoms are gone."
Yeah. Like I have a choice about that. I will just have my chauffeur drive me places until I feel better. ... That's a joke. Hopefully it's an obvious one. I most definitely do NOT have a chauffeur.
There is so much I want to say about this, but the thoughts in my head are so jumbled. So, I will write more in future blog posts.
"
In 2004, I was carrying my 1 year old son to the car. I slipped on horrible ice behind my car and fell and whacked my head on the ice over asphalt. I was able to hold my son in such a way that he was completely protected. He laughed; he had a good time falling. I was so grateful I had protected him.
I forgot my name, I forgot my phone number. I forgot a lot of things that day. I remember praying. I should have called an ambulance but I didn't know who would watch my son if I did that. Somehow, I got through that experience with no medical care. It was my religious beliefs at the time not to seek medical care about anything.
That concussion - my fall on the ice - was the worst concussion I have ever had.
In 2011, I was on a caving expedition with a bunch of folks from the same church belief system I was in. We all carried flashlights and were on a guided tour of a cave named "The Creepy-Crawly Cave."
I had told the tour guide that I wasn't sure but I might have some claustrophobia issues. I had toured caves before and loved them. Muddy caves where you carry a flashlight in your mouth because you need your hands to help guide and pull you in to tight spaces. He said, "we will go in the Creepy-Crawly Cave; the walls are about 11 feet wide. You'll be fine." Indeed - the walls were about 11 feet wide, but the ceiling was about 3-4 feet off the ground for a lot of the cave.
Well, we got to a room in the cave somewhere, where we could all sit around and rest for a bit. I was near the end of the group and saw a bunch of people sitting on the rock, sort of in a U-shape. Plenty for all the people to sit and see each other.
I smacked my head - HARD - right as someone said to me, "watch your head." Seriously. They warned me AS I hit my head. Not BEFORE.
I hit my head so hard. I looked at the room full of people and fully HALF of them were sitting there in severe pain, holding their heads.
It appeared to me that the first person hit their head, the person behind them saw and didn't hit theirs, but failed to warn the person behind them. And so it repeated. Not one person was warned about hitting their head in time to keep them from hitting their head.
Later that day, I remember someone asking me, "how is your head?" In that religion, we tried not to talk about or mention any illness. It was called "a false belief," and if you talked about it, the idea was that it would "become more real." So illnesses and imperfections were to be ignored.
I told this kind, thoughtful person: "I am trying not to think about it." My head hurt, I assure you. It ached and hurt so badly. I had no pain killer. The religion "didn't believe in pain killer." So we didn't buy any (to buy pain killer would to admit that we might, at some future time, be in pain. So to not buy it, was to deny pain's existence), or take any: ever.
The man who asked me looked a little embarrassed. The poor man. He had tried to be kind and empathetic. And I had answered his kind question with "I am trying not to think about [my aching head]." He apologized and we moved on. I felt sad that he had expressed care and I had dismissed him due to the nature of the "religion's rules."
I never got medical care for that concussion, either. I think this was my 2nd worst concussion. I don't remember how long it hurt.
We moved to a new home in 2014, and I was mowing the lawn. I walked straight into the underside of our deck. Ka-blam.
I cut my forehead. it was ugly and bleeding. I went inside the house and just sat on the stairway and cried and cried. I was so upset that I had had yet another "probable concussion."
I was still in the religious belief system where I didn't get medical care.
My partner came in the house, saw me, and went back outside to talk with a neighbor. I wish I was joking or exaggerating. Lovely religious belief, isn't it? I wanted care. I wanted to go to the doctor. I sat there, on the step, crying and alone, trying to ignore the fact that my head hurt like crazy.
I have an odd-shaped scar in the middle of my forehead from this concussion.
It's been a hell of a year. My most recent concussion, I blog about in the next post. I would say it's the concussion that hurt the least.
It was also the first concussion I've had where I got medical care. It was oddly reassuring that this one was a concussion. It verified for me that I have had previous concussions. Worse than this one.
The doctor at the Emergency Room recently told me that over time, the symptoms (from this concussion) would abate. My worse double-vision, the pain, the nausea, and other things.
So, a medical nurse acquaintance told me: "don't get another one for the next 6 months." Good to know. Too bad I banged my head on my car door the next day. It was more of a "swipe," actually.
I took some Aleve to handle my pain that evening, and some more in the morning. I often forget that pain killer exists. I am starting to remember that it exists. So, that's good.
Going forward, I will try not to hit my head. I will try to navigate this world where I see everything in duplicate. Seeing double is no fun, I assure you. New things are confusing and take time for me to interpret. But that's a subject for another blog post.
