Life is Overwhelming at Times

Well, sometimes life throws us big curve balls. 

A cartoon image of Jodi lying down underneath a gasoline gauge.
The gauge reads “E” in the red zone, symbolizing “empty.” 

I have once again been going through big things. 

My son has expressed an interest in learning to drive. So I was all ready to give him a driving lesson in the beginning of July. And I took a mis-step while we were walking to my car, and I ended up with a sprained ankle (and a face-plant full of dirt). 

It is now closing on the end of August, and I am still dealing with this sprained ankle. Who knew these things could take so long to heal? 

In addition to that, I probably did a face-plant into some sort of shrubbery that I was allergic to. Because a few days later, I ended up at the doctor again with something on my arm that had been there a few days at that point. 

The doctor diagnosed me with Shingles. Ack - I only just turned 50! I hadn’t yet had the moment to get a Shingles vaccine. I am only barely 50. And they sent me away with 2 medicines - one to take with water and a meal, and another to apply topically. They told me, “do NOT use any heavy cream, like Vaseline, with the Shingles.” 

Well, it turns out I was allergic to the topical cream. It gave me a chemical burn on my arm. I am such a stranger to medicines, that I didn’t know what I was experiencing was abnormal. I used the cream twice, then just couldn’t do it again. And it burned my arm so badly, my skin all peeled off. It peeled off layers of color of my beautiful tattoo, too. I didn’t want to photograph my arm to show friends, either, because it looked horrifying. 

After a week of this, I finally did send a photo to a close friend of mine. They showed their co-worker who said what I had been thinking - “it looks like a chemical burn.” 

Meanwhile, I had to babysit my arm around the clock. My arm. Babysit my arm. It’s a bizarre thing when someone has to babysit their own body part. It was draining and burning and hurting and the only relief I could find was when I ran it under cold water. This went on for about 2-3 weeks in July and early August.

I finally went back to the doctor and showed them my arm. The nurse who admitted me said, “that doesn’t look at all like what it looked like when you first came in.” That opened my eyes that what I was dealing with had been completely different (and much smaller) than what I was dealing with now. 

The doctor had no idea what it was, but he told me I now had a bacterial infection in addition to “whatever it was,” and he told me to follow up at the emergency room the next day. 

So I went to the emergency room the next day. They confirmed the bacterial infection, confirmed that the new medicine I was put on was a good one to clear up the bacterial infection, and they told me I needed to follow up with a dermatologist (a skin doctor). 

I tried several “local” dermatologists (all “local” ones are an hour away!), and either they couldn’t see me at all, or they could see me as early as January. No joke. 

Thankfully, where I used to live, I have a dermatologist. That’s 2 hours away, but I called her just the same. Her receptionist made a slot for me the next day. Thank goodness!

She also confirmed the bacterial infection, said the medicine I was on for that was fine. And she gave me 2 topical medications to mix with Vaseline (!) to apply to the chemical burn.

My pharmacy closed before I could drive back the 2 hours home, to pick up the new medicines. But I decided to just put the Vaseline on without the other medicine added to it. Hoping that would help. 

Oh wow - did it sure help!! It softened the chemical burn, torn up skin so much, that the next day, when I showered, most of the bad skin just fell off in the shower! It was such a relief to have a lot of that stuff off of my arm. It had been pulling and stretching and tearing at me. It was so painful a

I got the medicine for my arm and mixed it with the Vaseline, and it’s been about 2 weeks now, and my arm is staring to return to its normal color, sans “tan from the sun gained over the years.” It’s like new baby skin forming. 

In addition to all of that, my landlord was raising my rent, so I had to figure out what to do next. I have decided that for the moment, I will have my stuff in storage while I stay with friends and figure out where I will be living now. I am grateful to say I have a few wonderful friends who are going to let me stay with them for now, while I figure things out. It’s been quite the experience to pack my belongings in to boxes and label them, while only being able to use one arm. 

And, I have 2 other very big things going on that I don’t post about on public forums, and those things have their own paperwork and issues cropping up here and there. It’s a LOT to deal with, and I have been overwhelmed beyond what I have ever felt like overwhelm was. 

At some point, does life calm down? I sure hope so. I have books I want to write and paintings I want to paint. And my dogs would love to have fun things to do, too, I am sure. 

My Vision Therapist

I got permission from my vision therapy team to give a real shout out to them. So, I am going to use this post to just give a shout out to my Optometrist, Dr. Tod Davis, who is a leader in the industry of vision therapy, and to his whole team of people - from the office folks to the vision therapists who work for him and help me see better.

Dr. Tod Davis from Virginia Vision Therapy

They have multiple locations and multiple vision therapists. I haven't met the entire team of people who work for him. But the ones I have met are all fantastic. I have learned something from probably every single person I have met at his team.

Dr. Davis has a fun sense of humor. He also loves the talents that people have. I think he genuinely gets enjoyment from knowing people and seeing all the cool things they do. Also, he loves to share joy with everyone who comes in to his space. He's a great guy and I feel privileged to be getting help from this team.

When Dr. Davis was testing me to see what specific kinds of things should be put into my glasses to help me see better, he tested my ability to see 3D.

He told me to look at his face and concentrate on his nose. He put a pair of Prism testers over my eyes and asked me what changed. I said, "your nose came forward!" He looked genuinely amused.

He took the prisms away from me and told me to do the same thing - look at his face, but this time, concentrate on his ears. He put up the prisms for me, and his whole everything changed. He asked me, "what changed about my ears?" I said, "they went around to the back of your head!"

I think this kind of thing is a wonderfully entertaining thing for Dr. Davis to experience with patient after patient. They have never seen in 3D, and he gets to introduce the experience to them. WOW. From my perspective, it's clear that he enjoys his work. He enjoys helping people see better.

I believe he also cares about the people and wants them to be able to live a more fuller life, with eyes that work the way they are supposed to. If you need vision therapy, I encourage you to contact Dr. Tod Davis. If you don't live near him (in the Washington, DC / Northern Virginia area), then I encourage you to contact him and see if he can refer you to a vision therapist in your area.

https://virginiavisiontherapycenter.com

Medical Costs

"Every time I turn around, someone on my medical team is telling me I need to purchase something else. Last week, it was my concussion doctor telling me to purchase one of these:  

 They said it will relieve the tension in my neck, get blood flowing, and relive the pain in my head / forehead / migraine pain. 

He let me use his in his office last week while he went and did, I don't know, paperwork or something.  I think it did help. The left side of my forehead was hurting before I used it, and the right side was really hurting. 

After I used it, the left side didn't hurt much at all, and the right side hurt still, but maybe not quite so much. He showed me how to really get up under my skull and massage there. It was cool in that I could control how hard to push. 

When I have had others try to rub my neck, they may not have pushed nearly as hard as I would like them to. I can't remember anyone pushing too hard for me. I am pretty tough, and my muscles are constantly tense (thanks to my Complex PTSD; the constancy of being in "fight, flight, fawn or freeze" mode 100% of the time) ... so I like a strong push down on my muscles to try to get them to loosen up. 

There was a time, more than a decade ago, maybe 20 years ago now, when I went to a massage therapist about a struggle I was having in my shoulder. I eventually had a surgery on that shoulder. But before I went that route, I tried a massage therapist to help loosen a tight spot in there. The therapist commented that they had never known anyone to have such tense muscles before. They had to really push in order to get anything to work for me.  

So, with this contraption in the doctor's office, I was able to push so hard it almost ripped my skin. Which both felt good, but also felt terrible.  So, I ordered it today, just now. It should arrive on my "free shipping day," which is just a few days from now. I am going to see if some coconut oil will help it not rip my skin, but still help me push so hard.

 

---

Wow, I can tell I am seriously distracted as I type this. 

I talked with both of my kids early on in typing this. Coffee, school, computers, math, elephants. 

What can we talk and not talk about in the course of 20 minutes while I type up a blog post? 

So, the vision therapy place often gives me things. Next week they may give me a ball and a string. Gosh, I seriously need to get THAT blog post typed up. I found out that my eyes aren't lined up. And that's yet ANOTHER blog post I need to type up. There are so many weird things with my eyes. I wish my eyes just worked the way they should. 

A few weeks ago, they gave me blue sunglasses. For relaxing. It's like looking out at a cloudy day, looking through these blue sunglasses. Very relaxing.  

Early on, they had me buy a walking rail. I sanded and painted it. My memory is that it is 2 inches x 4 inches by 8 feet. I took photos of me sanding and painting it. I was going to do a whole blog post about this walking rail, too. Who knows where those photos went by now.  

So, one last thing - I have so many posts I want to type up, but also have constant THINGS going on in my life, distracting me. And my vision problems are one of the ways that manifest in me as ADHD, although the Complex PTSD also manifests as ADHD.  

Today, it seems, my thoughts are completely unclear and distracting. I was trying to share that medical care is expensive, even with good insurance. Because they are constantly saying, "buy this, buy this, buy this." It costs a lot of privilege with money to be able to "buy this, buy this, buy this."  

Without further distraction & also while writing something that isn't the best sentence that I have ever written -- I wish health care covered all these EXTRA things that doctors and my medical care team are constantly telling me I need need need. :::sigh::: 

I hope, at some point here, also to get to a place where I am not as distracted and constantly trying to just keep up with my own thoughts.  

 --------------------------- Sorry I didn't post last week; I had too many thoughts in my head & too few moments to actually SIT and clearly THINK and WRITE any posts. I need a writing desk and a writing time. 

Do you have a writing practice? When and where do you write? I was looking at writing desks for me .... and, there I go again, with my distracting thoughts. Ok, not the best blog post ever. But maybe this shows you a sample of what I contend with all day, every day. 

Today is definitely a day when I can't seem to focus.  :::: sigh :::::  / again.  

I hope you have a good day / week / month / year. "