Medical Costs

"Every time I turn around, someone on my medical team is telling me I need to purchase something else. Last week, it was my concussion doctor telling me to purchase one of these:  

 They said it will relieve the tension in my neck, get blood flowing, and relive the pain in my head / forehead / migraine pain. 

He let me use his in his office last week while he went and did, I don't know, paperwork or something.  I think it did help. The left side of my forehead was hurting before I used it, and the right side was really hurting. 

After I used it, the left side didn't hurt much at all, and the right side hurt still, but maybe not quite so much. He showed me how to really get up under my skull and massage there. It was cool in that I could control how hard to push. 

When I have had others try to rub my neck, they may not have pushed nearly as hard as I would like them to. I can't remember anyone pushing too hard for me. I am pretty tough, and my muscles are constantly tense (thanks to my Complex PTSD; the constancy of being in "fight, flight, fawn or freeze" mode 100% of the time) ... so I like a strong push down on my muscles to try to get them to loosen up. 

There was a time, more than a decade ago, maybe 20 years ago now, when I went to a massage therapist about a struggle I was having in my shoulder. I eventually had a surgery on that shoulder. But before I went that route, I tried a massage therapist to help loosen a tight spot in there. The therapist commented that they had never known anyone to have such tense muscles before. They had to really push in order to get anything to work for me.  

So, with this contraption in the doctor's office, I was able to push so hard it almost ripped my skin. Which both felt good, but also felt terrible.  So, I ordered it today, just now. It should arrive on my "free shipping day," which is just a few days from now. I am going to see if some coconut oil will help it not rip my skin, but still help me push so hard.

 

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Wow, I can tell I am seriously distracted as I type this. 

I talked with both of my kids early on in typing this. Coffee, school, computers, math, elephants. 

What can we talk and not talk about in the course of 20 minutes while I type up a blog post? 

So, the vision therapy place often gives me things. Next week they may give me a ball and a string. Gosh, I seriously need to get THAT blog post typed up. I found out that my eyes aren't lined up. And that's yet ANOTHER blog post I need to type up. There are so many weird things with my eyes. I wish my eyes just worked the way they should. 

A few weeks ago, they gave me blue sunglasses. For relaxing. It's like looking out at a cloudy day, looking through these blue sunglasses. Very relaxing.  

Early on, they had me buy a walking rail. I sanded and painted it. My memory is that it is 2 inches x 4 inches by 8 feet. I took photos of me sanding and painting it. I was going to do a whole blog post about this walking rail, too. Who knows where those photos went by now.  

So, one last thing - I have so many posts I want to type up, but also have constant THINGS going on in my life, distracting me. And my vision problems are one of the ways that manifest in me as ADHD, although the Complex PTSD also manifests as ADHD.  

Today, it seems, my thoughts are completely unclear and distracting. I was trying to share that medical care is expensive, even with good insurance. Because they are constantly saying, "buy this, buy this, buy this." It costs a lot of privilege with money to be able to "buy this, buy this, buy this."  

Without further distraction & also while writing something that isn't the best sentence that I have ever written -- I wish health care covered all these EXTRA things that doctors and my medical care team are constantly telling me I need need need. :::sigh::: 

I hope, at some point here, also to get to a place where I am not as distracted and constantly trying to just keep up with my own thoughts.  

 --------------------------- Sorry I didn't post last week; I had too many thoughts in my head & too few moments to actually SIT and clearly THINK and WRITE any posts. I need a writing desk and a writing time. 

Do you have a writing practice? When and where do you write? I was looking at writing desks for me .... and, there I go again, with my distracting thoughts. Ok, not the best blog post ever. But maybe this shows you a sample of what I contend with all day, every day. 

Today is definitely a day when I can't seem to focus.  :::: sigh :::::  / again.  

I hope you have a good day / week / month / year. "