Seeing Double

My son’s and my vision therapists have a card in their office that has some vision issues on it. 

This is quite similar to how I see out of only my left eye. I have discerned that I see double out of my left eye only. It’s a thing. My vision therapist says it’s not a thing unless your cornea has been split in two. But - it’s truly how I see things. I haven’t spent time with my right eye to see how it sees. 

It takes effort and endurance to be able to look at something for a long time to see how I see it, and then to be able to figure it out in words. 

Anyway, I wish I could take photos of what I actually see. I can’t. But this shows what I see, in a way others can interpret.

My double vision is so similar to this - here’s how mine is different. (My right eye has a whole host of other issues, so this is really about my left eye.) 

I see the main, dark part. The text (shown here also, as the dark text.) Then I see below it and wider than it, the blurred words too. It’s slightly below and wider than the text of what I see. 

It’s exhausting and confusing and tiring and makes me need to take naps. I walk around all day, seeing this way. 

This is just ONE of my many many many vision issues. I have wanted to figure out how to create this graphic and couldn’t quite get to the place where I could create this using tools I already have. I am so glad the vision therapy office created this. It helps me share, and helps others learn that “not everyone sees the way I see.” 

Thought I would share. 

Another Concussion

"

I am a dog walker now. The company I work for has a nice app where you tap "arrive," it tracks your walk via GPS, you can take pix of the dogs you walk and upload them, and then you tap "finish."

I have meant to do a blog post of the concussions I have had over the years. There have been many. I can't remember if I wrote that yet or not. But last week I got another one. It is because of the multiple concussions I have had, that I am now in vision therapy.

Last week, I had just finished walking a dog. I tapped "finish," and I was glancing at a photo of the dog I had just taken, to see if it was cute enough. And I walked straight into this staircase.

The wooden staircase that I walked into last week, head first.

I was stunned for a moment. I was angry at myself. And then I realized I might fall over, so I went and leaned on the wall to the right and just stood there, crying.

I eventually drove myself to a local doc-in-the-box. They asked me a bunch of questions. I don't remember them all, but one was, "do you have double vision?" I said, "I always have double vision." She said, "is it worse?"

I looked at her, examined her face and realized: "yes, it's worse."

She sent me to the Emergency Room. I drove to a place that said, "Emergency Room" on the outside but they didn't have a CT-scan machine, so I had to drive to a 3rd location - a different Emergency Room that had a CT-scan machine.

Of all the concussions I have had, this was the smallest one by far. Having said that, it's a week later as I type this, and my head still hurts.

At the third location they gave me a CT-scan. They determined that my brain looked ok and it wasn't bleeding. So that's very good.

Then they told me:

"Don't drive until all the symptoms are gone."

Yeah. Like I have a choice about that. I will just have my chauffeur drive me places until I feel better. ... That's a joke. Hopefully it's an obvious one. I most definitely do NOT have a chauffeur.

There is so much I want to say about this, but the thoughts in my head are so jumbled. So, I will write more in future blog posts.

"

 

Pink Flashlight

When I went for testing with Dr. Magic, one of the tests he did was to have my eyes follow a little light. The light it put out was about 1/2 the size of my pinky nail. A tiny white light.

He asked me: "what do you see?" I said: "I see two lights."

This was the first time I was clearly aware that I see two images at the same time. I don't ever remember knowing that about myself. I sort of knew it, but it's been a part of my eyesight for almost 50 years, so I didn't much think about it. I have just adapted the best I can, having been given no tools.

It's hard for me to read. In fact, it's impossible for me to read if I have both eyes open. So I always shut one eye to read. I have recently (well, ok, maybe 4+ years ago) discovered audio books. I love audio books!! They are so much more easy to follow along with and "read." Now I know why I like them so much better than print books - I can listen to the content and not be focusing on the double vision and what my eye(s) is (are) doing.

In the test with the flashlight, Dr. Magic put a pink lens over my right eye. He asked me, "what do you see?"

I stared at it for a while, and I realized that not only did I see two lights - a pink one and a white one, but that the pink one was on the left side despite the fact that the pink lens was on my right eye.

I never knew my eyes transposed things wrong. I see something. with my right eye, but my brain says that it's to the left of where it actually is.

I really DO see the world differently from how healthy people with fantastic eyesight see things.

I wonder if this is one of the many reasons why I have always been drawn to friendships with left handed people. I see things from a literal different angle - things on the right are on the left for me ... as left-handed people do.

Just one of my momentary musings that came up while I was typing this post.

End One Thing, Start Something New

As I embark on this journey of wearing new glasses and learning how to see (and how to walk!), I am also in a major shifting area in my own personal life. I have a lot going on. Every day for me has a lot going on.

[This is a photo I took of a sugar maple tree; the leaves are vivid orange and the cyan blue sky peeks from between the leaves in a few small places in the photo.]

I haven't blogged this last week (has it been two weeks now?) And I sincerely apologize for that to my brand new readers.

I am not yet ready to share on this blog the other thing that I am ending and beginning, but it's a big life change I am going through.

It is interesting how sometimes life gives us a few different angles to see things from. I am learning to use my eyes together. I am looking forward to leaving this double-vision thing behind. And I am leaving a major part of my life as I type this, and looking forward to my next chapter. Two different things going on at the same time - just like having double vision.

I look forward to leaving behind the double-vision so I will have clarity and happiness with my new future looking forward.

Thank you for understanding about my lack of recent blog posts. I have a ton of posts in my head that I want to write; I hope to get them out of my head and in to this blog as soon as I can breathe and get it really revved up and starting.

PS: Does anyone know how to use WordPress so I can type posts but they can be scheduled for a future date? I can't for the life of me figure that out. And it's slowing me down with production.