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I am a lifelong, self-taught artist.

This is one of my favorite paintings that I have done: 

Check out my signature in the bottom right corner ... it reads the same right side up & upside down. Took me 40 years to figure that out!

I have had almost 50 years of eyesight problems. Many others do, too. I didn't know I had so many and that they could be specifically diagnosed until September, 2019. I went to a Vision Therapist who diagnosed so many vision issues I have.

I will be going through weekly vision therapy every week through June, 2020. I will share my experiences here.

A Quaker Friend of mine said: "it will be interesting to see how your artwork changes as your vision changes!" I love that perspective.

I hope you will consider signing up to be on my email list. What you read here may help you to help someone you know.

https://mailchi.mp/e4bafef869a0/howiseethings

Bella Luna

Lady Bella Luna, Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

Occasionally, I just want to share my sweet puppy with you all. She is just too darn cute, and everyone should see her and be able to meet her. She is a love sponge.

She is my emotional support dog. She comforts me when I am feeling low. <3 She climbs right in my lap and just snuggles. I love her so much.

Pink Flashlight

When I went for testing with Dr. Magic, one of the tests he did was to have my eyes follow a little light. The light it put out was about 1/2 the size of my pinky nail. A tiny white light.

He asked me: "what do you see?" I said: "I see two lights."

This was the first time I was clearly aware that I see two images at the same time. I don't ever remember knowing that about myself. I sort of knew it, but it's been a part of my eyesight for almost 50 years, so I didn't much think about it. I have just adapted the best I can, having been given no tools.

It's hard for me to read. In fact, it's impossible for me to read if I have both eyes open. So I always shut one eye to read. I have recently (well, ok, maybe 4+ years ago) discovered audio books. I love audio books!! They are so much more easy to follow along with and "read." Now I know why I like them so much better than print books - I can listen to the content and not be focusing on the double vision and what my eye(s) is (are) doing.

In the test with the flashlight, Dr. Magic put a pink lens over my right eye. He asked me, "what do you see?"

I stared at it for a while, and I realized that not only did I see two lights - a pink one and a white one, but that the pink one was on the left side despite the fact that the pink lens was on my right eye.

I never knew my eyes transposed things wrong. I see something. with my right eye, but my brain says that it's to the left of where it actually is.

I really DO see the world differently from how healthy people with fantastic eyesight see things.

I wonder if this is one of the many reasons why I have always been drawn to friendships with left handed people. I see things from a literal different angle - things on the right are on the left for me ... as left-handed people do.

Just one of my momentary musings that came up while I was typing this post.

End One Thing, Start Something New

As I embark on this journey of wearing new glasses and learning how to see (and how to walk!), I am also in a major shifting area in my own personal life. I have a lot going on. Every day for me has a lot going on.

[This is a photo I took of a sugar maple tree; the leaves are vivid orange and the cyan blue sky peeks from between the leaves in a few small places in the photo.]

I haven't blogged this last week (has it been two weeks now?) And I sincerely apologize for that to my brand new readers.

I am not yet ready to share on this blog the other thing that I am ending and beginning, but it's a big life change I am going through.

It is interesting how sometimes life gives us a few different angles to see things from. I am learning to use my eyes together. I am looking forward to leaving this double-vision thing behind. And I am leaving a major part of my life as I type this, and looking forward to my next chapter. Two different things going on at the same time - just like having double vision.

I look forward to leaving behind the double-vision so I will have clarity and happiness with my new future looking forward.

Thank you for understanding about my lack of recent blog posts. I have a ton of posts in my head that I want to write; I hope to get them out of my head and in to this blog as soon as I can breathe and get it really revved up and starting.

PS: Does anyone know how to use WordPress so I can type posts but they can be scheduled for a future date? I can't for the life of me figure that out. And it's slowing me down with production. 

A Learning Disability

So, I have always had some sort of learning disability. I grew up with several whammies. I am not asking for a pity party here, I am not griping. I just want to explain a few things.

When I was in first grade in the 70s, I was in a special education reading group. Later, in the 80s in elementary school, a new thing was found called "ADD." It was assumed only boys had it, because they couldn't sit still in school.

Fast forward to present day, some time in the last 5 years. I found out that I have ADHD. I tried a medicine. It helped a tiny bit a few different days. It's also possible I was more rested on those days or something. I don't really know.

Well, I learned in this last month that vision issues I have translate into symptoms the look like ADHD. The visual clutter I deal with on a daily basis because I see double, things look like a rocking ship so much of the time, my tunnel vision the overwhelm I have, the suppression I have.... it all has me just so overwhelmed that it looks like I have ADHD.

It is interesting to think that perhaps my ADHD-presenting issues have to do with my eye problems.

One of the symptoms that could have been noticed as I grew up, had the tools readily existed for diagnosis, is that while I am smart and score high on an IQ test, I have severe difficulty in learning. Particularly with written information. I cannot learn poetry or vocabulary or spelling easily. It's all been a rough road for me. It's all because I simply can't bring information to my brain the same way that someone with normal, common, healthy vision can.

I read that "we bring in the information with our eyes, but we actually see with our brains." We might be looking at a large object, realize it's silver, it has a certain shape and contour. We process the 3D structure of it and realize we are looking at an airplane. Our brain sorted all of that out quite easily.

My brain would take in two very large objects, try to overlay them on top of each other (and miss by a few inches, so part of it is blurred out - since it's a plane, a large part of it is blurred out). The whole thing is rocking in a U-shape as I switch from eye to eye. The right side of the plane is overplayed to the left because my eyes are slightly crossed. I can figure out the color when I think about it, then the contour may be a bit tricky to discern.

No joke; my optometrist, Dr. Magic, showed me a picture of a tiger with yellow lines on it. I had on glasses that had a yellow lens and a gray lens. I never did see the left side of the tiger. I couldn't figure out what I was looking at. He asked me, "what do you see?" Finally, I could make out that it was an animal. Then I could see the shape of the tail. I saw the rear end and the shape of the tail coming off the rear of the tiger really well. Finally, I was able to say, "I think it's a tiger." And I described the wonky way the yellow lines showed. I am not sure what an ideal, healthy pair of eyes would see. I just know what I saw and described. 

[A photo of a white tiger with black stripes. The tiger is looking at the camera as he lounges on a concrete slab. Behind him is an earthen scene of dark gray and dirt colors.]

I asked him, the next week, if I could please see that picture again, of the tiger. I think he didn't understand what I was asking until I talked about the yellow lines. Then he was able to get it out of his collection and show it to me easily. I put the glasses on and off. I realized that it wasn't a tiger. It was a lion! I realized it was one picture with yellow lines on it; not two pictures as I had thought the first time I saw it.

It was a lion. It had a mane and everything. But all week, I had talked about this wonky tiger picture to people, trying to make sense of the odd way I saw the yellow lines.

I am writing this blog to help others who may have visual challenges too. Maybe they will see some of their symptoms in me, and will find comfort in knowing that there is help for them to get healing for their eyes too.

Thank you so much for reading. I welcome your comments at the bottom of my blog posts.

Tape on my glasses

When I was a little girl, I got a blue pair of Wonder Woman glasses. Because I was diagnosed with a "Lazy Eye," (one eye wandering, while the other eye stays focussed on what I am looking at) the eye doctor put tape on the outside of my glasses. This was supposed to draw my eye back in because it would be looking through blurry tape and not seeing clearly. I haven't had those kid glasses since the early 80s. So I re-created what I'm talking about on my brand new pair of glasses.

I walked around for years wearing scotch tape on my glasses. So many people asked me, "why do you have tape on your glasses?" "Did your glasses break?" I was horribly embarrassed by this. I would answer confidently that I had a lazy eye and it was supposed to help me see better.

I went to my new eye doctor, who in this blog I am going to refer to as Dr. Magic, for the first time 2 weeks ago. On my second visit, he asked me to look at him and tell him what I saw. I told him he was moving in a "U" shape. And I indicated that with my arm.

He said he was going to put tape on my glasses. I thought, "here we go again." I told him: "yes, I used to wear tape on my glasses when I was a little girl."

Dr. Magic asked me, "where was it?" I told him: "on the outside 1/2 of my glasses or so."

He nodded and proceeded to put tape on my glasses. When he was done, they looked like this. (I took this photo - I always set them on the table upside down. So, they are upside down.) They are sitting on top of one of my many notebooks. This is my own artwork as the cover of the notebook.

Well, he handed the glasses back to me with the tape barely on the inside of my eyes. "That's unusual," I thought.

I put the glasses on and I looked at him. He asked me "what changed?"

I looked at him for quite a while. Then I said, "you're not moving anymore!"

It was exciting and also a bit weird. I hadn't really noticed that every time I looked at something, it was always flickering back and forth and rocking in "U" shape.

This simple fix made my life go from a moving ship to stillness. Wow.

I hadn't gotten around to putting this tiny tape on my new pair of glasses. As I typed up this blog post, I went ahead and added it now to my brand new pair of 3D magic glasses. So - here they are. My brand new pair of glasses. With scotch tape on them. haha.

I had been typing this blog with one eye closed. But I just got the tape on these and now I can type with both eyes open. What a miracle a proper pair of glasses can be, even if they need a tad bit of scotch tape on them.

You're awesome

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